I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
