dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
