Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
