Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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