you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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