apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
