My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
