Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
These tits shall not be calmed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
