Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
