Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My ass is underappreciated
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You ruined the universe
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize