I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
