she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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