Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
