I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
