Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
