R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
