Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
