Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
