shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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