we have pet lesbian snakes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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