the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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