this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize