My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
nutella sex= disaster
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
