Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize