sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
