the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
