If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
