My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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