I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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