I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
