woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
