how can u be prego again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My pussy is not your playground.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
