how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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