"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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