still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
