I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
