I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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