i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i will never coherently bang her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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