This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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