I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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