no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it's not cheating when I paid for it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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