Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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