Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
