it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
