We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
