I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
