just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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