oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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