Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
