I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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