her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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