so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
