What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
