I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
