mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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