i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
