Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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