so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
