I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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