And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
