We won't sleep together?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
