i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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