Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
