I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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