it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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