she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
