I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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