I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
