So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
