So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
