My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You ruined the universe
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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