On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
