her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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