I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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