First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
