nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
