party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
