I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
