Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
