I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
