I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
