You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
