I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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