Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
