Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
