That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize