Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
