Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
