How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
