someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
