Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
