And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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