Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
