If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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