you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize