They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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