beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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