This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
