Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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