where am i from again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
