if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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