um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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