I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
