I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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