I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
