I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
