I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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