I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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