I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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