Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
