I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
