Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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