Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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