Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
