so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
