So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize