Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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