Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
