I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
