He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
