You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
